Since school ended, I have been upset because I have no income. I am stressed out so much over it, and feeling guilty for being at home. I need a paycheck! I need to feel useful. But besides all that, I have this heavy feeling.
At first it was a feeling of something good coming, good changes. I felt like I was being called to do more in my spiritual path. I have been studying my runes and connecting with them. I have been looking through my Oracle cards and moved my whole little magical area.
I feel like I am getting ready to advance, and blossom.
But I am afraid I will lose David in the process. I don't know why, but I am afraid. I guess I am afraid that I will have to let go of something good to receive more. I don't want to. He is part of me, I don't know that thing about twin flames or soul mates, because I believe we may have more than one in life. But I know he and Dwight came into my life for a reason, I felt like I belonged with them since I met them. I can't let either one go. If I do, I feel part of me will die.
Anyway, just lately, I read something, a message I got from somewhere online said, that I have to let go of those things that I stress over. (like losing David) because dwelling over them can attract them to happen. or just attract bad juju. I need to stop worrying. David loves me so very much, and keeps messaging when he knows I will panic about him. he is in constant contact and tries so hard to relieve my doubts.
So now I need to stop dwelling on the mistakes of the past, look into the future with hope and confident that things will work out for the best.
The first rune I took out, was for myself. It said I am at the verge of a new beginning, of success and growth. I feel it.
I feel stuck right at this moment. Last week, I cleaned the house and did many laundry piles. I decluttered most of the bedroom and the living room. I had the emotional energy to go get groceries, and clean the house. I even went to the L.A. holistic healing expo. I felt good there, I felt that I am on the right path.
I am dreading the full moon tomorrow and eclipse. Last solar eclipse was so emotionally painful, I don't want to even remember. Those wounds are still painful now. I had my heart broken into pieces, and still trying to heal. I can't take another hit.
I will see what I can do between today and tomorrow, to pull in positivity to the changes to come. I am not sure i have the emotional strength right now. I feel worn out, dull, numb. I will have to get my shit together.
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